moronic naruto story
by MightyDeidara
Summary: A random quest the Naruto characters go on to kill Itachi. You have been warned.
1. shock absorbent butt of righteousness

Hello everyone!! I'm putting this on here for a friend of mine. I thought it was really funny so I told her I would put it on here, so now all of you can read the funny. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor does my friend but it doesn't mean we cant pretend

Chapter 1

Sakura: Curse you and your shock absorbent butt of righteousness that drinks chocolate milk through a straw and eats chicken noodle soup because it caught a cold because it forgot to put your pants back on even though your butt told you to, but you freaked out because your own butt talked to you and you stabbed your butt with a pitchfork that magically appeared in your hand out of god knows where. deep breath well, my shock absorbent butt of righteousness is smarter then your shock absorbent butt of righteousness that drinks chocolate milk through a straw and eats chicken noodle soup because it caught a cold because you forgot to put your pants back on even though your butt told you to, but you freaked out and you stabbed your butt with a pitchfork that magically appeared in your hand hour of god knows where!

Naruto: Well my shock absorbent butt of righteousness is so smarter then your shock absorbent butt of righteousness.

Sakura: Darn it! Well, my shock absorbent butt of righteousness got an A in Iruka-sensei's class yours only got a B.

Naruto: That brings back good memories. But technically I got an A+ because my butt changed the grade.

Sakura: That's not fair! Wait-a-second…. You had your butt change the grade?

Naruto: Yes

Sakura: Your butt?

Naruto: Yeah…. My butt

Sakura: Why didn't you just use your hands?

Naruto: What are you, stupid? Using my hands would just take the fin out of things.

Sakura: How long did it take you?

Naruto: Hmmmmm…. About three hours.

Sakura: my god! And you're calling me stupid?

Naruto: yes, I'm calling you stupid.

Sakura: you have just been upgraded from moron to mentally retarded.

Naruto: wait…. Shhhh.

Sakura: what?

Naruto: be quiet…. Yeah…ok…. Gotcha…. I'll tell her.

Sakura: what?

Naruto: my butt just told me that Sasuke's butt is cheating on your butt.

Sakura: what?! With who?

Naruto: …

Sakura: TELL ME!!

Naruto: Itachi's butt

Sakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Naruto: she took that better than I thought she would. At least she isn't taking it out on me.

Sakura: Must…. Kill…. Itachi's…. butt!

Naruto: it appears I have spoken too soon. Oi! Sakura!

Sakura: yes?

Naruto: Me and my butt will be leaving now. Goodbye!

Sakura: oh no you don't. You are going to help me fond gaara.

Naruto: Gaara? Why gaara?

Sakura: because he is the closest person who would know where Itachi is.

Naruto: shouldn't we get Sasuke to come along with us?

Sakura: why? Unless you want him to die, he will know nothing of this. Got that Naruto?

Naruto: ummmm…. Sure. Oh! Oh!

Sakura: what now?

Naruto: can we have code names?

Sakura: god, no.

Naruto: you can be chief commando.

Sakura: commando? What's that?

Naruto: go ask Gai-sensei or Lee. But I wanna be ramen lover. Itachi can be supreme butt muncher! Okay?

Sakura: yeah, whatever. Be back in a few hours. I have to go get someone to tell me what commando means.

Well there im done. It's a weird story but our group at school thought it was hilarious. I really enjoyed it. I told my friend I would put it on fan fiction, so I did. Um….. More characters will be coming so its not just Sakura and Naruto. It didn't take me as long as I thought it would to type this out. Oh well I guess that's a good thing. Please review, my friend and me would really appreciate it. Well until next time then


	2. going commando

Hello, this is chapter two 

Disclaimer: we don't own Naruto

Chapter two

Sakura: I finally found you, Gai-sensei!

Gai: why, hello, Sakura. What can I do for you? Make it quick though because I am on my way to a dance lesson. Lee told me that he is getting embarrassed by how I dance.

Sakura: yeah. I can see why. Anyway, Naruto told me to ask you what commando means.

Gai: ummmm…. I don't think you want to see.

Sakura: yes I do! He called me chief commando and I wanna know what commando means.

Gai: (muttering) how do I get out of this one? Ah! Neji! How are you doing?

Neji: good morning Gai-sensei! When are we going to start training?

Gai: I don't care right now. I need you to tell sakura what going commando is.

Neji: why? Are you going commando again?

Gai: you do not need to know that. Just tell Sakura what commando is so I can go to my dance lesson!

Sakura: going commando?

Neji: (byakugan mode) yup, he's going commando again.

Gai: Neji! I told you to stop doing that!

Sakura: I think I now what it means now. And might I add that you are very disappointing Neji.

Neji: sorry

Gai: to the dancing studio! I will become….

Sakura: the dancing king?

Gai: no! The queen… not king. What is wrong with you kids?

Neji: whatever

Sakura: yeah, bye

back with Naruto

Naruto: aww… me and my butt were in the middle of an awesome game of truth or dare. Did you know that Gai-sensei and Tsunade used to go out? Surprising huh?

Sakura: and your butt knew that how?

Naruto: you don't want to know.

Sakura: god, the images you plant in my mind!

Naruto: ok…. So do you know what commando means?

Sakura: yeah, I think so.

Naruto: well?

Sakura: does it mean wearing a green jumpsuit?

Naruto: no. really the opposite. Just go with the name, okay? I am getting tired of listening to the things my butt knows about some people.

Sakura: my god. Only you Naruto, only you. Anyway, do you or your butt know currently know where gaara is?

Naruto: hmmm…. I believe that he was last seen in the outskirts of konoha. We should look in the bakeries out there first.

Sakura: why the bakeries? Come on, you just ate. How can you b hungry when we are out to kill Itachi's butt? Can't get anymore exciting than that.

Naruto: I'm not hungry. Anyone who is as smart as you claim yourself to be should know that gaara's secret weakness is sweet pastries. But what he really likes is cookies.

Sakura: cookies?

Naruto: yes. Cookies. Kind of hard to believe huh?

Sakura: y-yeah. Just a little. Anyway, enough of that. Come on, ramen lover. Time to go find cookie monster.

Naruto: roger that, chief commando. Wait, who's cookie monster?

Sakura: that would be gaara.

Naruto: but I thought we were looking for supreme butt muncher?

Sakura: we have to find cookie monster before we can find supreme butt muncher. My god, you're stupid.

Naruto: yeah, so? Got a problem with it?

Sakura: whatever. Anyway, we can cover more ground if we split up. Meet up at the ramen shop in 45 minutes to make sure we aren't covering the same places.

Naruto: got it, chief commando. See you in 45.

Sakura: right back at ya, ramen lover.

well that's chapter 2 for you, more charactrs will be coming in soon, please review and check out other chapters when they come out, well until next time


	3. cookie monster and silent monkey

Chapter 3

Disclaimer- we don't own Naruto

Naruto: let's see. The first bakery is a few miles from here. Ooo!! A Ramen shop. Well, I am sorta hungry. Besides, it'll only take a minute. Oh! Hi, Hinata!

with sakura

Sakura: okay. While Naruto takes are of the bakery work, I will go shopping! Oh, hey Lee! Do'ya have a sec?

Lee: oh! Hey, sakura! Sure whatcha need?

Sakura: tell me what going commando means.

Lee: umm… maybe you should go talk to Gai. He is a professional in that certain category.

Sakura: I already did. And does it mean wearing a green jumpsuit?

Lee: not really. Why do you want to know in the first place?

Sakura: because Naruto called me Chief Commando and I want to know what commando means so I have an excuse to beat the living snot out of him.

Lee: umm… lucky Naruto.

Sakura: so tell me!

Lee: what's in it for me?

Sakura: 4 boxes of doughnuts, now tell me!

Lee: not good enough!

Sakura: what do you want then?!

Lee: go on a lunch date with me and I will tell you.

Sakura: you are the devil.

Lee: no date, no deal.

Sakura: fine! Just tell me!

Lee: ok. whisper

Sakura: Naruto is going down! Wait- a- second, so that means Neji and Gai- sensei and telling me that he was going commando… now I am really disappointed in Neji!

Lee: a tragedy, isn't it?

Sakura: whatever you say, bushy- brows. Later.

10 seconds later sakura is searching for Naruto

sakura singing I'm off to kill ramen lover! I am, I am, I am! I'll stab him in the liver! I will, I will, I will1

back with Naruto

Shop keeper: that's it! I am kicking you out! You have eaten our whole stock of ramen! That's over a month of food!

Naruto: and I'm still hungry, so keep 'em comin'! hey, Hinata! Do you want more ramen?

Hinata: umm… um… uh.

Naruto: ok! More ramen it is… hey… what's the knife for? Shop keeper person, step away from the knife! No, don't come toward me! Ow… dammit… where'd that pot come from – ow!

Hinata: whisper I think we should go now, Naruto-kun.

Naruto: huh? Did you say something Hinata? HEY! Gimmie back my ramen! What the heck! You stabbed me! You stabbed me with a sticken butcher knife, for ramen's sake!

Shop keeper: good!

Hinata: whisper I'll distract him, Naruto-kun. clears throat

Naruto: eh?

Shop keeper: I she gonna sing?

Hinata: singing everybody dance now!

Naruto: holy crud!

Shop keeper: she's a good singer.

Naruto: is she….

Shop keeper: break dancing?

Hinata: singing I like to move it, move it! You like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! You like to…. MOVE IT! whisper run, Naruto-kun! I'll meet you at the steep cliff bakery…

Naruto: yeah… if you make it out of this alive! Come on!

grabs Hinata and runs 

with sakura

Sakura: grrr… where is that little butt- monkey. Hey! Is that him? Why is he with Hinata? Ohhh… I am gonna kill him…

Naruto: hey sakura! Have you found gaara yet? Hinata is joining us. I've already explained the situation to her and her code name is silent monkey!

Sakura: monkey… right…. Anyway 1) I have not found gaara and 2) I am not gonna wear no underwear for the sake of my codename!

Hinata: eh?

Sakura: my codename is chief commando!

Naruto: yeah, but everyone already matches their codenames. I love ramen, Hinata is shy.

Sakura: but she isn't a monkey

Naruto: she said she likes monkeys. So if everyone matches their codenames, you have to go commando!

Sakura: my underwear is staying on, you little twit! Anyway, we need to find gaara now!

Hinata: umm… uh… gaara is over there.

Naruto: oh… so he was sitting on that bench the whole time?

Sakura: yeah, I guess so… um… Naruto?

Naruto: yeah, what's up?

Sakura: why do you have a butcher knife sticking out of your side?

Naruto: for decoration, now lets go!

Sakura: ookay… hey! Gaara!

Gaara: … what…

Naruto: we need to ask you a favor.

Gaara: …oh… step into my office then.

Sakura: office?

Gaara: … do you not see the bakery behind me?

Hinata: oh…

Naruto: a bakery for an office, huh? Sounds cool. Hey gaara. Can I have a cookie?

Gaara: … my cookie.

Naruto: but I like the cookie.

Gaara: …my office… my cookie.

Sakura: just shut up, Naruto. Anyway… about that favor. I need you to tell me where Itachi is.

Gaara: …Itachi… isn't that Uchiha's brother?

Naruto: yeah, that dude. Do you know where he is?

Gaara: … he was last seen shopping for nail polish in the Hidden Mist Village. You will have to ask around a bit, but I am sure at least one person there will know.

Hinata: thank you, gaara-san.

Gaara: … sure… that would be 14 cookies. I need my payment within the next two days.

Sakura: I'll pay you when we get back

Gaara: … no, you will pay me back now

Naruto: but you just said that we had 2 days to pay you

Gaara: … I lied. I want my cookies and I want them now.

Hinata: but… but… but…

Sakura: whatever, I'll pay… here are the cookies

Gaara: … OMG!! SQUEE COOKIES!! crunch mmmm… chocolate chip!! crunch

Naruto: wow. He is scarier now than when he was facing lee.

Sakura: aww man! I totally forgot! I have to go eat lunch with lee/

Naruto: ha! You deserve it. Well, go have fun with lee! You know you want to. In the meantime I think I'm gonna get some ramen.

Hinata: uh…um…

Naruto: oh yeah. What is Hinata gonna do? You have a date with lee and I have a date with the ramen… hey Neji! Fancy meeting you here.

Neji: what are you doing at gaara's bakery?

Sakura: we were asking him a question. Then he got mad at us and demanded cookies. I gave him the cookies that I was planning to give Naruto.

Naruto: you were going to give me cookies?

Hinata: huh?

Sakura: maybe I should tell him that they have a poison that makes you act like a girl/

Neji: I highly doubt that it will affect him. I mean come on, he's gaara.

Naruto: you have spoken to soon, neji.

There I'm done with the third chapter…. Wow now I'm bored, oh well


	4. the freak with one eyebrow

Chapter 4

Disclaimer- we still own nothing

after gaara eats sakura's cookies he walks out of the bakery wearing a little bow-peep costume

Sakura: wow

Gaara: Like emigod! Sakura that dress was soo, like, 5 minutes ago.

Neji: are you okay, gaara?

Gaara: and you! Your hair is like, way too long! Lemme fix it!

Hinata: neji-nii-san! Run!

Neji: what are you doing with those scissors?!

Gaara: stand still for gaara, dear!

Naruto: catch, neji!

Sakura: you just threw him the butcher knife?! What if he misses it?!

Naruto: don't worry about it, chief commando. He won't miss it- oops… I have spoken too soon.

Neji: crud! Now I have a stinkin' butcher knife stuck in my arm!

Gaara: neji, dear, you are moving too fast. If you don't slow down, you will force me to get out the buzzer.

Hinata: oh god

Naruto: hey neji! After you're finished playing with gaara—

Neji: playing?! You think I'm playing?!

Gaara: that's it! Neji, dear, I'm getting the buzzers. Like, stand still!

Naruto: looks like fun to me, anyway, when you're done, do ya wanna join us in our quest?

Neji: yeah, sure. But before I join you, I'm gonna put this knife back in your side where it belongs.

Naruto: nah, you can keep it.

Gaara: sakura dear, be a good girl and hold neji dear down for me. That hair has got to go!

Neji: sakura! How do you reverse the effects of the poison? Oh MY GOD! He just shaved off my left eyebrow! Oh-ho-ho! You're gonna pay!

Hinata: should I try to distract gaara?

Naruto: wait! That's it!

Sakura: oh god. Hinata, I would run.

Naruto: I have a cookie! Do you want a cookie gaara?

Gaara: cookie? Where?

Naruto: over here, gaara! And guess what? Its chocolate chip! Yummie!

Gaara: be a good girl, Naruto dear, and give me the cookie, like, right now!

Sakura: the cookie should change him back to normal, but I injected the antidote in it just in case

Naruto: here you go gaara dear.

Hinata: gaara dear?!

Naruto: he got me saying it too?! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Well, wasn't that a fun experience? Anyway, how are you feeling, gaara de- whew… that was a close call!

Gaara: … what just happened?

Sakura: you don't want to know

Neji: my eyebrow! Lee has bushy eyebrows, gaara doesn't have any, and now I only have one! I'm going to be the freak with one eyebrow!!

Gaara: … what a tragedy

Naruto: I could always shave the other one off.

Neji: no, I'll keep the one eyebrow that I do have.

Done with the forth chapter yay


	5. kitty power, green flee, and role call

Chapter 5

Disclaimer- sigh we still don't own anything so ha you cant sue us!

Gaara: …why am I wearing a little bow-peep outfit?

Naruto: aww! Come on! It looks good on you, gaara dear!

Hinata: wah!

Naruto: what?!

Gaara: …you just called me dear.

Naruto: come on… not again. I blame you, gaara dear!

Hinata: waah!

Gaara: …I guess I should start calling you naru-chan

Sakura: I think I'm going to puke

Neji: I already did

Hinata: Naruto-kun! What's my name?

Naruto: what are you talking about? You're Hinata

Hinata: waah!

Sakura: enough of this. We need to be going. We aren't going to get to the mist village by talking

Naruto: or are we?

Sakura: no, we aren't

Naruto: oh. Ok. Is gaara dear coming with us?

Hinata: waah!

Naruto: darn it!

Sakura: it depends. Do you want to come with us gaara?

Gaara: …sure, why not?

Naruto: yay! And gaara dear joins the party!

Hinata: waaaah! That's not fair! sniff

Neji: it's not a video game, Naruto. (Joins the party)

Naruto: or is it?

Sakura: no its not.

Naruto: oh, ok. Hey, don't you have that date with lee, sakura?

Sakura: why did you have to remind me? Is it your goal in life to make my life miserable?

Naruto: no! Its just fun.

Neji: hey, here comes lee, sakura

Lee: sakura-chan! I finally found you!

Sakura: just kill me know

Gaara: … looks like we aren't leaving yet. Can you help me close up the shop, naru-chan?

Hinata: WAAH!

Neji: put the chainsaw down, Hinata!

Naruto: sure but after that I'm getting ramen.

Lee: looks like we should get going, sakura-chan

Sakura: y-yeah. Looks like we should

Naruto: is lee coming with us?

Lee: coming with you where? Oh! On your journey to kill Itachi's butt? Can I come? Can I? Can I?

Neji: it wouldn't hurt to let him

Naruto: that's a yes, then. Woo-hoo! This is going to be awesome!

Sakura: sure… big fun

Naruto: was that sarcasm?

Sakura: no, no it wasn't

Naruto: was that sarcasm?

Sakura: I think we should get going, lee.

Lee: yay! Did I mention that I will protect you until the day I die?

Sakura: don't push it.

Lee: sorry

2 hours later in front of the bakery

Neji: hey! Is that sakura?

Naruto: yeah it is! About time! Hey, gaara dear, they're back!

Hinata: waah!

Naruto: yeah, yeah. I really need to figure out how to stop doing that dear thing.

Sakura: let go lee.

Gaara: …why is she dragging lee… huh…

Sakura: for the last time, lee! I am not going to the bath house with you!

Lee: but sakura!

Sakura: don't "but sakura" me, you moocher!

Hinata: moocher?

Naruto: oh! I still have to come up with code names for neji, lee, and gaara!

Sakura: but I thought that gaara was cookie monster?

Naruto: yeah, but that's a little weak. So his codename will be… cookie dear.

Hinata: wah!

Gaara: …ok

Sakura: what about lee and neji?

Naruto: neji will be kitty power

Neji: I feel so special

Naruto: and lee will be… green flee!

Lee: green… flee?

Sakura: oh, I get it. Its because you have that green jumpsuit and you can jump high… sorta like a flee.

Naruto: yup! Ok now for role call! Chief commando!

Sakura: here. I want my codename changed!

Lee: you're going commando?

Sakura: no I'm not, so don't get your hopes up

Naruto: hey! Me and my butt have decided that you cannot change your codenames!

Gaara: …your butt?

Naruto: yeah. Me and sakura have shock absorbent butts of righteousness

Neji: butts of righteousness. Interesting

Lee: I want a shock absorbent butt of righteousness!

Sakura: no! They are not for sale!

Hinata: …

Naruto: anyway. Back to role call. Silent monkey?

Hinata: I'm here, Naruto-kun

Gaara: …grrr

Naruto: cookie dear?

Gaara: … here, naru-chan

Hinata: waaaah!

Naruto: kitty power and green flee?

Neji: right here

Lee: present!

Naruto: good. And ramen lover is here of course. Okay, you can take over now, sakura

Sakura: okay. Our first destination is the hidden must village. When we get there, half of us will deck out the beauty shops will the other half will ask around about Itachi. Got it?

Neji: ok. Who will the groups be?

Sakura: first of all, has anyone been to the mist village?

Gaara: … I have

Lee: me too

Sakura: okay. So lee, neji and myself will be the first group. Gaara, Naruto and Hinata

will be the second group. Got it? Okay

Naruto: but what are we going to do about food?! I spent the last of my money on ramen!

Neji: I can provide us with some food and supplies but we will have to replenish them when we get to the village

Lee: I can get some of the squirrels to let us have some nuts and acorns

Sakura: tempting, but no thanks. Well I'm sure that everyone can chalk up a little bit, so meet back here once you get what you can

Gaara: … all I have are pastries. Can you help me load them up, naru-chan?

Naruto: sure

Hinata: sniff I hate you, gaara

Gaara: … I know you do

Hmmmmm, it may only be 5 pages long but it took me about 3 days to finish this…… I'm bored now, maybe I should start with the 6th chapter. More characters are going to be joining the group later on also………


End file.
